四级写作范文及点评.doc

　　在大学校园里，手机的普及率越来越高。对于许多学生而言，手机已经成为他们必不可少的通讯工具。但是手机的普及也存在着许多问题，它可能会影响我们的正常学习。Do Mobiles Distract Study？　　Wherever you are, you can see many people equipped with mobile phones. It seems that the world becomes smaller nowadays. You could be found wherever you are so long as you take the mobile phone with you. And mobile phones are also becoming a new scene on campus.　　Students think it is extremely convenient for them to communicate with the outside world by using mobile phones, especially when they are hunting for jobs, so they call it an essential investment.　　Education experts analyze the entry of mobile phones into campus as an indication of social progress. And mobile phones have been considered advanced for its attractive functions. The youth of today send messages, surf on the net, listen to music and even take photos by using their mobile phones. To some extent, it reflects that college students are more and more involved in this modern society, rather than pedants in the “Ivory Tower”.①　　As a coin has two sides, the mobile phone, while providing convenience, causes trouble too. In classrooms, the untimely ringing interrupts lectures and destroys the atmosphere of study, so it prompts many complaints. And the mobile phone users themselves also suffer.　　Therefore, we need to think more about how to integrate mobile phones properly into our lives.② 文点评：文章由现象到本质，分为五个段落层次分明地对主题进行了论述。第一段由普遍现象进而引出话题，指出手机已经成为校园里的a new scene，说明讨论的内容是关于校园使用手机的问题。第二段中，作者从学生的角度切入，肯定了手机给生活带来的便利，引起学生的共鸣，为后面观点的提出作了很好的铺垫。第三段作者从专家的角度指出手机进入校园是社会进步的体现，增加说服力。第四段引出作者的观点，并举出校园实例论证自己的观点。最后一段用therefore总结全文，提出呼吁。　　文章行文流畅，第二段、第三段的首句采用了表达观点的常用句型：Students think …；Education experts analyze …使文章结构清晰。第四段用谚语a coin has two sides引出作者观点。最后一段：让手机适当地融入我们的生活，是对文章标题的有力回应，properly一词充分表明了作者对问题的认识以及建议。好文妙译手机影响学习吗？无论你在何地，你都会看见许多人使用手机。如今，世界似乎越来越小了，只要你带上手机出门，不管你在哪儿，你都会被找到。而在大学校园里，手机也已经成为了一道新的风景。学生们认为，手机可以让他们非常便利地与外界联系，特别是当他们找工作的时候，所以他们认为这是个必要的投资。　　教育专家分析，手机进入校园是社会进步的体现。手机已经成为非常先进的科技产物，具有各种吸引人的功能。现在的年青人喜欢用手机发短信、上